Dear Thomas

Dear Thomas,

It's hard to believe you are already eight weeks old.  We already can barely remember life before you arrived.  You are a sweet, happy little baby boy who loves to snuggle. 

I feel the weight of you in my arms and sigh.  I'm so thankful to have you in my arms, in our family.  Your eyes search and meet mine.  Your coos are little arrows to my heart, piercing. 

I listen to you "talk" to me and realize that this moment is so fleeting.  It won't be long before you tower over me, cringing when I want a hug.  I'll just be "Oh, MOM!"  Probably constantly embarrassing you in front of your friends.

But for now you are my sweet little guy and I am your mama.  We think the other hung the moon. 

With you here our family now feels complete.

Forever and always,
Love Mama

Violet

Miss Violet with her crazy hair (just like her mama).

Thomas Howard

Sometimes I Wonder

How did I get here?  How did I get to this place in my life?  Suddenly I am a mother...clueless but loving.  So afraid of messing up and making mistakes.  My eyes blink and suddenly I am a mother to four.  Still clueless in some ways, but knowing when it comes to how to love my babies.

How did I get to be this age?  Who made me in charge?  Of four children???  Aren't I still learning?  Do I have enough knowledge? Insight? Experience? 

Do I have enough patience?

How can it be that I love it so much?  Changing diapers, kissing boo-boos.  Snuggling on the couch reading the same book over and over again.  Make a meal, clean up a meal.  Wash laundry, put it away, wash it again.  Rinse and repeat.  Over and over. 

Yet there are so many moments of these groundhog days that put a lump in my throat.  An unexpected "I love you", a thoughtful gesture, a beautiful drawing of our family.  Watching my husband teach the kids how to paint, throw a ball, plant a seed. 

I know without a doubt that God meant for me to be a mother to these children.  And even though I make a lot of mistakes I hope they will always feel safe and loved.

I don't know what the future will bring.  I don't know what challenges we will face or how we will choose to handle them.  But I do know that I love this family with all that I am and all that I have. 

Edited to add:
I actually didn't mean to post this.  I often write blog posts just to get the thoughts out of my head.  I used to be a writer, back before I had four kids in six and a half years.  And I am so far removed from it now that I don't often share anything I write with others.  My grammar stinks and I'm not that good at it anymore.  But I accidentally posted this so here it is.  Flaws and all.

It's A Boy!

Thomas Howard Clendenen arrived September 16th, 2011 at 8:10 p.m.  He was 9 lbs. 9.4 oz. and 22 inches long. He has a head full of dark hair, dimples and looks just like Travis. He was named after Trav's dad who passed away many years ago.

Sweet Boy

FOUR kids six and under!

Mama and sweet Thomas

Father and son

Big sister Violet is so proud!

On the way home

Thomas is a very good baby and things have been going well.  Unfortunately Mama has a sinus infection and bad cold (which Thomas now has too) so the last couple days have been long.  The girls are very sweet with the baby and argue over who gets to hold him.

I will post more pictures soon of our sweet baby. 

Proof of the Preggo Belly

Okay, folks.  I have been asked to provide PROOF of my growing belly.

36 weeks

See?  I was not exaggerating. :)  Four weeks left! 

Lori

Another Public Service Announcement

Dear Public,

I know it is probably shocking to see a very, very pregnant woman out and about.  I mean, pregnancy is such a rare, rare, thing that I can understand why it would catch you off guard to actually see a preggo for yourself.  So I can understand why you POINT and STARE and make insanely dumb comments*.  This behavior can be attributed by your shock, I'm sure.

I'm sure you are just trying to be helpful when you utter one of the following comments:

1. You are HUGE!  Are you sure there is only one in there?
2. How are you going to make it to the end of your pregnancy?  You are going to become more miserable every day.
3. Gee, don't you already have three kids?  Do you know what causes that?
4. Wow, you just keep shooting them out, don't you!
5. How do you walk around so swollen?
6. You look like you're due any minute, not in six weeks!
7. Your belly button is so gross! 

I try to nod and smile politely since it may be years until you see a pregnant woman again.  I don't want to give preggos a bad reputation! 

Public, I think you should know all preggos aren't as polite as I am.  So you may want to think twice before opening your mouth. 

Yours sincerely,
Lori

*Actual comments that have been said to me while out in public

Mama Drama

It has been so long since I posted that I forgot my blog password.  (Although these days my pregnancy brain is very forgetful, so maybe it is not surprising?)

I am just so....pregnant.  (36 weeks!) With lots of contractions.  Which leads to lots of water drinking and laying on my left side and waiting for the contractions to go away.  (It's a little too early baby to make an appearance!)  My motivation to get things done has skyrocketed.  Unfortunately my body has not got the memo.  So I am left in limbo. 

At least for today.  Tomorrow I will probably feel totally different.  (Thanks, hormones, for this lovely roller coaster ride.)

My thoughts are cloudy and my body is STRETCHED and my heart is full and my feet are swollen, but my mind is too.  I can hardly sleep...too many to do list thoughts, and what if thoughts, and plan b thoughts.  And I AM HAVING A FOURTH CHILD thoughts.
A FOURTH CHILD.  (Who I am ecstatic to meet.  But also?  A little scared!)  Tell me again why I thought I could handle four children?

The truth is I'm hoping I can.  And I DO think I can.  I just knew when I was preggo with Violet that we weren't done yet.  I told Travis it will probably take me three months to be ok at having four kids and hopefully in six months I will be good at it.  (Good being a relative term, of course.)

Travis is a pro with our girls and I am more than anxious to see him navigate a little boy.  I don't know much about baby boys!

The bottom line is I have been pretty miserable the last few weeks.  But in the end I will get to have our baby, and it will be worth every moment of discomfort.

I think I am giving myself an online pep talk.  That is totally normal, right?